Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
