Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
