ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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