I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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