Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
