it hurts more in the daytime
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
