you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
