This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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