Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
