Someone shit on the floor
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
