It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
