Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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