He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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