I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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