This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
