i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize