i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I want is dick and wine.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
