Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
