I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
