i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.