I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Go have a frustration cry and get over it