the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??