You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.