went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids