I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
