Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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