Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My cat gives me a boner
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.