just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
