I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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