Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
