But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
