I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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