His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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