You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
