I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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