I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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