Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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