Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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