you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
