This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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