Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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