guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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