My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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