if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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