Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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