Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
