I wanna bring you to show and tell
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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