we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
