the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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