Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
