you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Terrible idea I love it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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