She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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