shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
