I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
