I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
