when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
