if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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