There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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