the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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