My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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