sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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