when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
