I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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