I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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